i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
