She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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