Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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