i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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