sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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