Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
