I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
