Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
