Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
