i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
