Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
