C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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