I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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