You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
