I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize