I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
