This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
