...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
