I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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