Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
