drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
