dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
