somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
