My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So many bounce houses so little time
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
