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Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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