the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Watching her eat just hurts me
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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