I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My dick has a subreddit
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
