I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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