Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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