just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
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