closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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