she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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