I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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