Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
