so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
