Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
