Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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