Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
