that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
