I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
