just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
