god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
