i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
