You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
