It's Friday. Sex?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
