It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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