The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
