It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
