ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
