I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
