in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
