no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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