My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
