Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize