I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
