White coat. Heels.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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