I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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