I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize