Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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