Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
