do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Farmville is her only friend.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
