guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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