Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
