was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
