I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
