It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
