if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
