why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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