i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
