ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
