Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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