Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
